Tag: deaf

‘CODA’

I FINALLY watched “CODA,” the film that swept the Sundance Film Festival and is now on Apple+. Despite its rave reviews, I was nervous to watch because of how it might portray deafness. As someone who was raised to lipread and speak (and isn’t an exception), I’m sensitive to the pervasive assumption that all deaf people sign.

But like many other things, deafness is a spectrum. And this film shows one part of it, in a beautiful way. Thankfully, it doesn’t present an idealized version of Deaf Culture, and there was a lot I could relate to. It’s a well done, lovely film.

The Beginning Set the Tone

As soon as the film began, I knew it would be different. The first sign was when my (hearing) husband Aaron told me that the ambient sounds were very clear. He said there was a lot of work and effort put in to make the audio landscape a rich sound experience. This level of effort isn’t typically done. As Aaron said, “I know why they did it. They’re trying to accentuate to a hearing audience, to remind us that it’s about all those sounds out there in the world.”

The second sign was when the first song came on. The captions told me the name of the song, the musician(s), how it was being played, AND the lyrics – and continued to do so throughout the movie. This rarely happens. In fact, most of the time, song lyrics don’t appear at all. This is a huge pet peeve. Why would you caption a film but not the entirety of it? Why would you censor a feature that actually adds MORE to the experience?

Relatable Scenes for Me

The first time we meet Ruby’s deaf parents, they pull up in their truck outside her school with the music blaring. Ruby’s embarrassed because everyone is watching. Her dad signs, “I love rap music; my whole ass is vibrating!” Ruby’s parents and brother don’t wear hearing aids or cochlear implants (it’s unknown whether they choose not to or if they just don’t help with their kind of hearing loss), so they need the music at a high volume to be able to feel it. Bass and defined beats help.

Because I have a cochlear implant and hearing aid, I don’t need things at a loud volume. I can tell if something’s high or low, but not the specific pitch. Forget melodies or tunes. I don’t even know the difference between the two. I gravitate towards music that has defined beats and/or lyrics that can be heard over the music. There’s a reason I loved Harry Connick Jr. and the Red Hot Chili Peppers when I was in high school!

When her family attends Ruby’s concert, they’re out of their element. Jackie asks her son Leo if he can read Mr. V’s lips on stage. “Not really,” he responds. This is always the first thing I do at an event; I gauge how much I’ll be able to understand independently.

The Rossis are completely lost. They notice audience members laughing, but don’t know the joke. They don’t know to clap until they see others doing so. They’re so bored that Frank notices the buttons are off on his shirt, and they talk about Ruby’s outfit and what to have for dinner.

This is exactly how I am at my kids’ concerts (and other events when I can’t follow or enjoy the proceedings). Sometimes I go to support them, even if it feels like torture to sit there, bored and missing out. I always wish I could discreetly read on my phone, but I don’t want other people thinking I’m rude. Sometimes I deal with this by only attending the “more important” concerts, like my daughter’s last high school orchestra concert. Thankfully, my family understands!

I also enlist my hearing companions to be my ears. Aaron and I now have a shorthand; he knows when I’m asking, “Are they good?” or “Does she have a good voice?”

At one point, the sound fades out during Ruby’s duet to illustrate what it’s like for the Rossis. This normally cliched trick is usually heavy handed. But in this case, it’s effective. It’s not indicative of my experience, since I wear hearing devices, but it’s representative, if that makes sense. I hear music, but can’t appreciate it in the way hearing people can. The Rossis observe their fellow audience members and their wide range of experiences; this is one thing I do to amuse myself as well.

Aaron pointed out that the songs chosen for the movie were done purposefully. He thinks they picked songs for which the original singers conveyed their emotion and presence. The songs have a lot of soul in them, and further emphasizes the contrast between the audience and family experience.

Relatable Scenes for Hearing Family Members

I wasn’t the only one who could relate to many scenes. Aaron said the parenting stuff hit; that’s universal.

“The really noisy kitchen table scene when she’s trying to study and they’re all making a lot of noise… YEAH!” my husband said. “There’s a reason why a lot of our plates have chipped bottoms, because you put them down hard. You are not the quietest person in the kitchen, that’s for sure!”

Ruby is her family’s de facto interpreter, and we both noticed she paraphrases. Aaron has seen our kids do this, and has done it himself, like when someone on the phone is rambling. As he pointed out, however, Ruby was paraphrasing in ways that showed she was getting frustrated. When he does it, it’s for efficiency. “But I’m not a teenager!” he added.

I do try to utilize my kids as interpreters as little as possible, and I would never put them in the situations portrayed in the movie. They usually voluntarily step up when they notice I’m missing out. One difference is interpreting for me is different than for the Rossis. When my family interprets, it’s English to English, which isn’t the same as English to ASL.

Unrealistic/Unrelatable Scenes

Being the only hearing person in her family is difficult for Ruby. She has to interpret for them with no thought to her own schedule or desires. Alarmingly, she interprets for her parents at a doctor’s appointment in which sensitive information is revealed, and at a Coast Guard legal proceeding.

In real life, these situations legally warrant an interpreter, whether in person or remote. Having a child interpret these is wrong for so many reasons. The Coast Guard knew the Rossis were deaf; it’s why they were there in the first place. The lack of accommodation violates the ADA and should never happen.

There’s a touching scene between Jackie and Ruby, when Ruby asks her mom if she ever wished that Ruby was deaf. Jackie admits she prayed that her daughter would be deaf, though she says it’s because she was worried they wouldn’t connect. Deaf Culture folks actually want their kids to be deaf, and this is only one reason. I’m the opposite. I prayed that my kids would be hearing. Isn’t it our job as parents to ensure that our kids’ lives are easier and better than ours? Granted, it’s a little different in the capital-D Deaf Community, because there’s literally a communication barrier.

I was shocked that Ruby never provided her parents with printed lyrics to the songs sung at the concert and in her audition. Or that they didn’t use their phones to look up the lyrics based on the songs listed in the program. I kept waiting for Ruby to sign and sing as a way to include her family!

Communication Difficulties

Ruby’s family is dependent on her because they communicate via ASL. The film did a good job of showing how difficult this method can be. Frank, Jackie, and Leo miss out socially and professionally. These examples are exactly why I’m thankful my parents made the choice they did. You can always learn how to sign later in life, but you can’t always learn how to lipread, hear, and talk if you miss the early language development window.

Humor and Heart

The movie’s humor is evident early on and provides a nice break from the heavy topics. There are lots of laugh out loud moments, like when Frank demonstrates the need for putting a helmet on a soldier. That’s one way in which the visual of sign language is much more effective!

The scene between Frank and Ruby after her concert brought tears to my eyes, despite myself. It’s that age old trope of a parent trying to understand their child, but with a twist.

The movie is about Ruby realizing what her dreams are and having to choose between that and helping her family. In actuality, Ruby and her deaf family members help each other. She pushes them outside of their bubble and forces them to think about relying on others. She stands up for herself and her bravery allows them to do the same.

Today’s generation of deaf kids with cochlear implants – and hearing kids of deaf parents who speak, for that matter – can’t really relate to the Rossis’ struggles. And that’s a good thing. My children are CODAs, but not in the way the definition is traditionally used.

I went in expecting the worst, that it would amplify deaf stereotypes in the media. Instead, it was a nuanced portrayal that still captured realistic parts of the deaf experience. I’m glad I watched.

BIP S7 E3

This episode opens with everyone chilling, and ends with two people demonstrating the Netflix version.

Noah rattles off the couples to the camera, including him and Abigail. Cue to a shot of them in the pool.

Then there’s a boombox with a note that says, “Play me.” The music that plays is from NSYNC. While this is a creative way to introduce the new celebrity guest host, Lance Bass, my first thought went to Abigail. This isn’t exactly an inclusive way to share the news. She’s shown holding her hands over her hears, like the noise is too loud. But later, she’s shown dancing. Does she even recognize the music?

Abigail does understand when Lance asks who wants a mimosa. She shoots her hand up in the air and yells a “Whoa!”

The guys from Katie’s season talk about Thomas, the villain from their group, and how they don’t want him on the show. Do they not understand how it works? Of course he’s the next person to arrive, date card and all.

He goes to Abigail first and asks if she wants to give him a tour. They don’t show the tour, just the two of them sitting and chatting. Meanwhile, Noah says if Thomas is into her, he’s not going to take that well. I sure hope so!

https://twitter.com/steal_ya_4_asec/status/1430323705423482880

Thomas tells Abigail she had a first date with Noah and now they’re getting married. Abigail says it’s still early. Guess she’s still keeping her options open. Thomas asks about the couples, so she fills him in.

Thomas proves he’s still a villain by using the same lines on all the girls, and doing anything possible to emphasize his height and girth. After talking to most/all of the girls, he picks Serena P. for his date. Abigail thinks people are still figuring out who Thomas is a little bit. She also thinks Serena has an open mind about pursuing Joe (who she’s been coupled up with). There are shots of Abigail looking pensive/disturbed, which comes across oddly because of the editing. Maybe she was contemplating the best way to get a good edit on this show — it’s working so far!

When Abigail is talking to the other girls, she’s actually in prime position. They’re all in a row in front of her. I wonder if that was done on purpose. I know I’m always thinking about the best seating position when I’m in a group.

Another shot of Abigail and Noah in the pool, with their legs intertwined underwater.

The next contestant arrives: Riley. Abigail confirms when someone next to her says he’s a lawyer, without having seen the speaker. Tre describes him as being cut from granite. He picks Maurissa for his date. They get a Fear Factor kind of date, where they have to eat gross food if they don’t answer a question. The camera spends too much time showing us the gross food (tongue, chicken feet, etc.). Maurissa’s eyelashes look like spiders. They make out and end up in the Boom Boom Room.

Serena and Thomas have a good date, but Serena tells him to pursue other people. There’s a shot of Abigail and Noah on one of the outdoor beds; Abigail’s on her stomach leaning on him. Thomas apologizes to Katie’s guys for his behavior on the show, and agrees that his actions will have to back him up. But of course they don’t and karma bites him in the ass.

Connor sings his song about BIP to Jessenia and Abigail in the end credit scene. They’re not far from the waves, but Abigail seems to move to the music. His face looks down while he sings, but Abigail catches the line about her being a sweetheart and laughs.

The Bachelor – Women Tell All

Abigail was more active on social media leading up to last night’s Women Tell All (WTA). She posted an Instagram story thanking everyone for their support, saying she’s been blown away. She encouraged people to get the Threads app that she was using because it auto captions, which helps people like her. THANK YOU, Abigail, for using your platform for good!

In her story, she said, “um” so often that she typed afterwards, “Take a shot for every time I say “um.”

It’s a good thing I’m not allowed alcohol (doctor’s orders)!

People Magazine published an article with a sneak peek at Abigail’s WTA appearance. The Bachelor tweeted a clip that was retweeted by Abigail and mentioned by Us Weekly.

https://twitter.com/AbigailHeringer/status/1366210984893947907

In an Instagram post, Abigail urged viewers to tune in. Based on the media blitz, I knew she’d be in the Hot Seat, which means more airtime!

Chris’ Hyperbole

Ok, I hear you telling me to get to the WTA already and I don’t even have my cochlear implant on yet!

Recorded on February 4 without a studio audience, the WTA is a “very special, very intimate episode.” Chris refers to the wild, unprecedented season of shocking surprises and explosive drama. “Everybody’s looking good,” he says, and gives our girl Abigail a shout out. A clip also airs of her saying about Matt, “He was just super easy to talk to, so he just blew my expectations out of the water right away.”

A review of the season thus far is shown. Thank goodness I have this on TiVo and started late. Fast forwarding is my superpower right now!

It appears the women are seated in two rows formed in a semi circle. Abigail is in the back row as usual. The front row would be easier as she could just turn around to lipread. The distance between her and Chris/the stage seems too far for lipreading.

First, Chris addresses the Jessenia and MJ feud. Next up are Ryan and Victoria, who is wearing a crown. But of course. Victoria makes up a word: “upset-ness.” I’ll use it in a sentence. Victoria’s upset-ness may have been overshadowed by her outfit, which was an open jacket with matching bra, as if she was proudly and ironically flaunting her bra-zen fashion sense (or lack thereof).

Many of the women are experiencing backlash for how they handled things, which Katie says is karma. Victoria actually apologizes. Then in a true demonstration of irony, they all gang up on Katie.

The Hot Seat

To Brittany in the Hot Seat, Chris says, “One of the craziest rumors I’ve heard in 20 years of doing this show enveloped you. I wanna hear all about it, but first, let’s take a look back and see what happened.” FF to the rescue again!

Being falsely accused of being a high end escort has clearly taken its toll. Brittany didn’t want to be around her family when she got back, and even texting her friends was difficult. She’s forever going to be associated with this. Anna — who started the rumor — apologized earlier but hasn’t reached out. Anna delivers a good apology. Brittany takes the high road and says she doesn’t want people to destroy Anna’s life also. Words can really affect you, she says. People make mistakes. She also addresses people in the sex working industry, saying no one’s life is worth more or less based on an occupation.

Dates We Didn’t See

To lighten things up, we get a peek at some of the “most outrageous moments we didn’t get to see,” including one date that didn’t make it to air, which is rare. It’s called “What’s in the Box?” Abigail knows right away what this means. She reads a card in the clip: “Ring shopping can be intimidating and a bit scary…and today will be BOTH! I DARE YOU to pick a ring out of one of these ring boxes.”

The first box has killer Amazon cockroaches. Abigail’s box has fire crickets. She reaches her arm in sight unseen to feel around for the ring. “How did you find yours so quick?” she asks. Abigail is shown watching this in the studio with her hands over her face. In the clip, she finally grabs the ring, and jumps up and down out of disgust and relief.

Another box has flesh eating worms. Seeing all these creepy, crawly critters is so gross. What were they thinking?? Obviously they realized it wasn’t worth airing, yet it aired anyway. Perfect Bachelor logic.

As part of the group date on the farm, they have to eat a whole plate of dense pancakes, and then drink a pint of beer. Abigail belches. She’s in the next clip too, of a group date playing Hide and Seek in the woods. Good lord, has it really come to this? Might as well throw in a game of Cat’s Cradle while they’re at it.

On the boxing date, the girls each drink a raw egg. I’m going to puke just watching. Kit is smart – she pretends to drink it but really throws it over her shoulder.

The Hot Seat

Chris calls Katie the gift that kept on giving. She was confident in her relationship with Matt, but didn’t pay attention to the other relationships in the house. Matt is the first person she was able to be 110% herself with. She says she just has to remain hopeful that her person’s still out there.

Now it’s Abigail’s turn in the Hot Seat! First, they show a clip of her with Matt. She asks him how old he was when he had his first kiss. He was in 7th grade and bit the girl’s lip so hard, it was gushing blood. “Now I’m scared to kiss you again,” Abigail laughs.

“This next woman captured the First Impression Rose and America’s heart,” Chris says. “But, well, in the end, things did not work out for her and Matt. So what happened? Let’s find out. Abigail, come down and join me.”

The women snap fingers as she makes her way to the stage. “Wow, at least you got snaps, the new applause in 2021,” Chris says. Can Abigail even hear the snaps? Odd choice, but whatever.

https://twitter.com/lperkowski3/status/1366570877161267203

“We have so much to talk about,” says Chris. “Let’s take a look.”

“That’s not fun to watch,” Abigail says afterwards, tears in her eyes.

“How surprised were you that night?” Chris asks. “He just always kind of wanted to be near you. It seemed like you had that chemistry.”

“Yeah, no, I definitely felt it, and he just gave me so much assurance every time I was with him, and we started off so strong. I kind of came in saying, you know, I don’t believe in love at first sight. Just having the first night go the way it did, I think that’s the closest I’ve ever come to that kind of feeling.”

“Were you ready to fall in love with this guy?”

“Um, I was on my way to falling in love. He had all the qualities I was looking for, and all the conversations we had, he responded really well to all of them. I told him, I said, you know, hopefully we would get more time, but I feel really confident bringing you around my family. You’re everything they would hope I would bring home. I just kind of have a big what-if. If we had that much attraction with how little time we had, you know, what if we had had a whole day together? Could I have been up there with kind of the frontrunners? Um…you know, it’s just, yeah, it’s just a lot of questions, for sure.”

“You had a very honest, vulnerable conversation with Matt about having children.”

“Mmm hmm. Yeah, um, so by that point, hometowns were coming around the corner. I wanted to be as [my notes say “farrow,” which makes no sense and is clearly an autocorrect that I can’t figure out, so just pick a word to go here] with him ’cause I think it wouldn’t be fair to him if I went through this entire journey and kind of held on to my insecurities, not giving him that whole transparency.”

“Well, I know there were a lot of challenges, but I love that you are here and were brave enough to do this. It’s had a massive impact on the deaf community.”

“It’s been incredible. I was really scared, kind of, when I decided to come on, just because I think people kind of view the hearing community and then the Deaf community, with a capital D, as kind of black and white. And I’m kind of that gray space in the middle that hasn’t had a lot of light shone on, because I don’t use sign language. I’m able to communicate vocally. I was born profoundly deaf so it means I have no hearing, so if I take my cochlear implant off, I can’t hear anything. So I had no idea how people were going to receive me. But no, the response has been incredible. I’ve had so many people reach out and say, you know, thank you for sharing your story. I have a very similar one. Yeah, I just–I’ve been blown away.”

[Note: it’s interesting – the clip ABC tweeted has parts that weren’t on WTA, so I kind of combined them in Abigail’s quotes on this post.]

“I wanna pull up some of these comments. I don’t know if you’ve seen all of these or not.”

Abigail laughs. Chris says there’s one more. It’s from @bdub1209: “Abigail, my daughter is 7 and bilaterally implanted. Seeing the representation and you not being afraid to be who you are makes my heart SO happy.”

“Oh my god,” Abigail says. “I just have gotten so many messages like this, of people saying, thank you so much for showing this in a romantic light, just because disability isn’t always romanticized. Um… yeah, it’s been incredible.”

“I know you were actually here looking for love and that’s what it’s all about. To that end, where are you now?”

[Sighs} “Yeah, so I know things didn’t work out with Matt and I, but that’s not to say that I didn’t leave, you know, with nothing. I think, you know, I met an incredible group of women. I learned a lot about myself. Yeah, I think it’s what Katie said, like I think I’m just a better version of myself that I’m really excited to be able to share with whoever wants to share that with me.”

More Hot Seat

Pieper’s next in the Hot Seat. She, too, was shocked by her exit because she wasn’t paying attention to the other women.

Back from commercial, Chris says, “All your favorite women are with me tonight.” The camera immediately goes to Abigail. Hmm… Is it me, or am I getting Bachelorette vibes?

In the Hot Seat, Serena has to visibly compose herself. Chris thought she was the one at one point in time, but instead she’s the one who had the guts to leave.

Matt comes out to “twangy rock music” in a big, bushy, UGLY beard. Chris calls it a bold choice. The women profess to like it, but as Twitter describes it, “Show you’re single without saying you’re single.”

Matt addresses a couple of the women and reflects on his journey. Then Chris tells him there was a recurring issue America had with him – “you always had your eye on those ladies” – cue to a kissing-with-eyes-open montage. Matt didn’t know it was a no-no and admits after watching it back that it’s kind of weird. Chris asks if anyone is brave enough to talk about it. Pieper says she brought it up to Matt and expresses surprise that it went this long without anyone saying anything. The consensus: Eyes closed, please.

“Some of these ladies want to talk to you,” Chris tells Matt. The camera lands on Abigail. “Abigail, did you have anything you wanted to say to Matt?”

“No, I just want to say thank you for the entire experience. Um, I think we had a really good time together. But it just wasn’t in the cards for us. I just have nothing but good things to say about our experience, and hopefully you feel the same way about it.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that,” Matt responds, sticking to his standard line.

A couple other women speak. Then the best part: the bloopers. And a preview of the March 15 finale. “You have no idea what’s coming,” Chris says, a statement that has aged well.

An EW recap says, “Gah, after watching this highlight reel, I’m mad all over again that Matt sent Abigail home. Big mistake, buddy. Big. Huge. Abigail is an angel on earth…Damnit, producers, do NOT put this woman on Paradise. She is too pure.”

Abigail remains a fan favorite. A tweet calls her one of the least toxic women this season. Another says, “These women can learn so much from her.”

https://twitter.com/tidesandpines/status/1366563764309483521

And ABC tweeted this. Hmmmmm.

https://twitter.com/BachelorABC/status/1366572202880098308

As Reality Steve says of the Bachelorette possibilities, “You might think Serena is still too young, or maybe you don’t want to see Abigail get screwed by production, but you won’t be mad and angry seeing [the prospects] in that role if they got it.”

The Bachelor – Week 6

[tense music]

Because there’s not much going on in the world right now, we’ve been anxious for the MJ and Jessenia showdown. It’s as expected: more drama and more lies, with another two-faced antagonist eliminated. Matt even fakes MJ out by holding up the rose and saying, “MJ…I can’t give you this rose.” Guess he learned something from being an athlete.

We first see Abigail at the start of the cocktail party, when the girls are talking as they wait for Matt. Chris shows up instead, informing them that Matt wants to skip the cocktail party as he knows what he wants to do. The girls freak out.

At the Rose Ceremony, Abigail is in the back row again. She already has a rose from last week, so we can relax.

During a commercial break, ABC airs an ad: “Now casting seniors looking for love. Go to abc.com/casting.” So many questions…

First 1:1

Now there’s 11 girls left. Five have had a one-on-one, six have not. Pieper gets the first 1:1. But first, more drama. Serena C. is fed up with Katie, so she seeks her out. This devolves into an argument. The other girls are in sleeping bags by the fireplace when they hear the arguing. The first sign of this is when Abigail looks up quizzically. Sure, it’s got to be loud because the deaf girl can hear it.

There’s an interlude when a girl drives up to the property in a white van. She introduces herself as Heather Martin and says she’s there for Chris. She was on Colton’s season and is good friends with Hannah Brown, who spent time with Matt in quarantine and says he’s the perfect match for her. She wants to meet him. Chris acts surprised, laying it on thick: “This is just bizarre. Just when you think you’ve seen it all.”

Pieper and Matt walk through a forest in the dark, holding lanterns. She flips a switch and sees their very own carnival, all lit up. Somehow they fit that in plus a dressed up dinner. Sadly, her family doesn’t communicate love. She tries to overcome this by telling Matt she’s falling in love with him.

I’ve lost track of how many women have now said this to him. It’s ridiculous, especially when you consider how little time they actually get with him. Ashley I. said on Instagram that the amount of solo time they typically get with the lead during group dates and cocktail parties is about 10 minutes. And each episode usually comprises four days!

Obviously, they’re in a constrained environment without other distractions. Naturally this will make Matt the focus of all their thoughts. But he’s looking like less and less of a prize. He was partying with Tyler C. (his best friend from Hannah’s season) in Tampa all weekend – maskless. He’s being called Covid Matt. Supposedly his mother is a big Trump supporter and he’s a Republican. [If you are too, you can find another blog to follow.]

Group Date

Abigail is again part of the group date. When the girls show up, Matt is wearing a bowling shirt and skinny jeans that look like leggings. Not a fan. Abigail tells the camera, “I can’t control whether I get a 1:1 date, but I can control, you know, what we spend our time talking about.” She adds, “Matt and I had a spark the first night and we had potential, but we need time.”

If you can’t figure out the date from Matt’s attire, find another blog to follow. The date is bowling, with pizza, nachos, and wings. Abigail looks around and smiles. This is a much better group date than outdoor obstacle courses. But this does involve a competition, as Chris shows up to tell them the winning team will get a romantic evening with Matt. The losing team will walk home in the rain.

Abigail is on the blue team, aka the Blue Bombshells. The opposing team in pink shirts is the Pink Petals. “I have been on the losing team,” Abigail says. “I’ve had to walk home, so we are not losing this. We’re gonna win. There’s no way I’m gonna lose twice.” She goes first on her team, and shows spunk as she walks to the lane. Unfortunately, she only knocks down one pin.

The Blue Bombshells are down by a lot, but they battle back and it literally comes down to the last few frames. Abigail is the last to bowl for her team. Serena P. — on the other team — says, “Abigail, I love you, but gutter.” Did Abigail hear this? Was this taking advantage of her hearing loss?

Abigail gets a gutter ball. “My team is going home, and with the pressure of hometowns being in a few weeks, it’s frustrating when you have that potential and then you can’t explore it, like, you just have to wait and wait,” Abigail says. “I-I-I don’t know, I’m just, I’m not getting any time. It’s not even a little time. I’m just not getting any time.” She gives Matt a good hug good bye.

Back at the house, she says, “I’m not even upset yet, like, I’m just angry.” She tells the other girls, “It sucks getting that First Impression rose, seeing that potential, and then week after week, you know, just…waiting. It’s just like… how am I supposed to take this seriously when I can’t even get time?”

But then Chris delivers a personal date card. Matt feels terrible and needs time with them, and invites them to join the party. The girls erupt in shrieks and cheers. Abigail bounces up and down on the couch.

During Matt’s speed make-out sessions, Serena P. says she’s falling for him. The girls say so many of the same things; it must be hard for him to differentiate. Then again, this is a guy with a thigh fetish. Michelle gets the date rose.

Katie’s 1:1

Before Matt’s date with Katie, he gets some bro time with Tyler C. as they play pool. Katie does the patented run and jump when she sees Matt. They meet at a spa, but they won’t be partaking of any services. Instead, they’ll be pranking Tyler, whose masseuse is actually an actress who will be following their commands. Tyler checks himself out in the mirror before he gets on the massage table, confirming my impression of him.

At their dinner date, Matt holds the rose while he tells Katie he’s letting her go. What a tease. Now she’s the favorite to be the next Bachelorette. Either way, she’s better off.

Cocktail Party

In a fancy dress, Heather drives up to the chateau because she’s quarantined and has been allowed to join the show. At the chateau, Abigail is the first one Matt grabs. “Can I steal you, Abigail?” he asks. She laughs and apologizes, I’m guessing because she didn’t realize at first that he was talking to her.

https://twitter.com/nataliekeller98/status/1358972582603677697

“Look at you!” Matt says. She’s in a gorgeous green dress with a plunging neck.

“I just really enjoy time with you and I just want to reiterate that to you every time that we’re together that I look forward to seeing you every night,” he tells her. They kiss and hold hands in the precious <10 minutes they have.

https://twitter.com/stephdizzle11/status/1358972730188713985

Heather struts into the chateau, smiles at the girls, and takes a hard left to find Matt. Poor Pieper, whose conversation with Matt is rudely interrupted when Hannah walks in. Matt busts out in laughter because he can’t believe his good fortune. The women, they just keep coming!

The previews show Heather crying and complaining about how mean everyone is. In the end clip, I see what looks like a bald spot on the back of perfect widdle Matt’s head.

Abigail is now officially in the top 10. I’m rooting for her to get more screen time while also hoping she doesn’t “win” this pathetic contest.

‘The Bachelor’ – Week 5

This “dramatic new episode” opens with nature shots. No, not Matt’s bare chest again, but actual footage of the world outdoors.

Making the House Safe Again

There’s a divide in the house: the Original Girls (OG) vs. the new ones, or JV vs. Varsity, as coined by MJ. Whatever you call them, the house is tense. Matt addresses the mob mentality and culture of bullying at the start of the Rose Ceremony. “If you’re having to belittle someone else for you to shine, then those aren’t the qualities I’m looking for in my wife,” he says. “It sucks ‘cuz I don’t get enough time with you all, and now I gotta deal with this.”

It’s a tough job, Matt, but someone’s gotta do it.

Needless to say, there’s actually drama in this dramatic episode. Girls are apologizing and backpedaling any negative comments they’ve made. One girl rightly describes the goings-on as “kiss-assery.” Anna — who spread a rumor about Brittany being an escort — is let go. Instead of doing the same with Victoria — the most toxic person in the house (and also the one with the worst fashion sense) – Matt makes us sit through another Rose Ceremony where she doesn’t get a rose. If she can’t figure out how to wear a bra with a dress, it’s no wonder she’s so deluded about her own toxicity.

Sad Abigail

Rachael gets the first 1:1 date. Abigail is sitting next to her when she finds out. She smiles and looks pleased for Rachael, which is a breath of fresh air after all the drama.

Rachael gets to try on fancy dresses with celebrity stylist Ty Hunter. Meanwhile, the Group Date card arrives and through process of elimination, it’s obvious Kit has the next 1:1. Everyone else is disappointed, including Abigail.

“I’m disappointed, um…I mean…[somber music] I think I’m just getting a little confused,” Abigail says, as Magi puts her arm around her in consolation. “Just, you know, we’re already halfway through this, and…yeah.”

Abigail then tells the camera, “It just kind of makes me question a lot of things, like does he not want that 1:1 time with me? Does he not want to explore that relationship? I don’t know. It’s like reality’s just slapping me in the face right now.”

Rachael’s a Good Actress

During Rachael’s evening date, Matt asks why she hasn’t been in love before. Ironically, even though he described her as being super confident, she tells him she doesn’t have a lot of confidence in herself. Rachael is the first to outright tell him she’s completely falling in love with him, and he says he feels the same way. They go for a ride in a horse-drawn carriage, because there’s nothing like smelling animals and manure when you’re on a romantic date.

Group Date on a Farm

But at least Rachael isn’t on the group date that goes to a farm! The producers didn’t even warn the girls to dress appropriately. Abigail’s wearing a white or off-white top – and it’s a rainy day. Even though Matt lives in NYC, he grew up in Raleigh, NC, and on farms so he’s a country boy at heart. He wants to see how doing farm chores will bring out their true selves. Yeah, there’s nothing like shoveling manure, collecting eggs, or milking animals to prove your worth.

MJ catches Matt making out with Pieper, not even secretly, and all the women are insanely jealous. Abigail tells the camera, “It’s definitely settling in that we’re all dating the same guy, and it’s hard to see the other women have that connection with him.”

That evening, Serena C. says she would have had a better outfit if they had said to dress for a farm. Abigail agrees and with a thumbs up, says, “Yeah, my boot got covered. Covered!”

To the camera, a dejected-looking Abigail says, “We’re halfway through this process and I definitely cracked a little bit. I feel like my connection just isn’t as far along as the other girls, so the time that I get I need to make it meaningful. I don’t want to miss, like, a great opportunity to take our relationship to the next level.”

Abigail’s Serious Conversation

Abigail finally gets serious screen time – in more ways than one. Matt asks what she thought about the day. “My grandparents actually have a farm,” Abigail says. “I’ve never been on it, but I was like, oh, I can finally understand like what my grandparents are going through, but honestly, I was kind of defeated. I know, like, we joke around a lot, like, obviously, like about the group dates and stuff, but…”

“What’s wrong?” Matt asks.

“I mean, nothing’s wrong,” she replies. “I think there’s just something about you, like I’m super excited, um, I don’t know. I literally get like the biggest smile on my face when I’m around you, but I also wanna be as open with you through this process. I guess my biggest fear has become that I’m gonna disappoint you. You want a wife and you want a family, and you know I want those things too. But you know if I were to have a family, um, there is a really strong possibility, you know, that…my kids would be deaf. My birth dad did walk out on my mom and my sister right after we got our cochlear implants. In no way do I, you know, view my hearing loss as baggage, but when you have, you know, what should’ve been one of the most important people in your life…[gentle music] you know, walk out, it’s hard not to feel like you know, if I fully open myself up to somebody, are they gonna do the same thing?”

“Can I tell you something?” Matt asks. “I can’t imagine what that’s been like for you, but I can relate to not having a dad growing up and having a single mom who raised me and my older brother. But it’s not something that, like, I’m ashamed of, because…it’s made me who I am, and the things that you’re seeing as a barrier and a roadblock, these are things that I look at you and I admire about you and are encouraging to me about what a future with you would look like. And that’s how I feel about you.”

“Yeah, ok, I feel a lot better.”

[Romantic music]

Make-out session ensues.

Matt tells the camera, “It was extremely courageous of Abigail tonight to share that with me. She was extremely vulnerable with me and opened up about things that keep her up at night and some of the things she worries about and ultimately things she would want to share with her husband. I’m looking for someone who’s going to push me, challenge me, and make me a better person, and I think Abigail does that.”

After Abigail rejoins the group, Katie notices her ear-to-ear grin and says, “You look happy. Did you have a good time?” Abigail hunches her shoulders and gives a crinkly nod.

In Matt’s preamble to giving out the Group Date Rose, he says it’s going to someone “who was extremely vulnerable with me tonight.” It’s Abigail! She smiles and brings her hands to her face in pleasant shock.

BLESS ABIGAIL GETTING THE ROSE ON THE GROUP DATE! Well deserved. 👏🏻👏🏻 #TheBachelor #Bachelor

Originally tweeted by Simona (@simona_ka) on February 2, 2021.

Why Abigail’s Conversation Is Important

I write about this in depth for Hearing Like Me, but as one of Abigail’s longest scenes, it’s an important one. We need more speaking deaf representation, and here’s one in all its glory. Many people don’t realize this, but culturally Deaf people actually want their children to be deaf. Why would I want my kids to go through hardship and struggle? It’s a whole different world today, yes, with cochlear implantation happening at earlier ages. But it still requires work and dedication. You’re still deaf when the cochlear implants are off. You still have to deal with technology and its challenges, and of course all the costs related to that.

All parents should want their kids to have easier and better lives than the previous generation. Ironically, I was so worried about my kids being deaf that I didn’t consider anything else. They’re hearing, but they both have celiac disease, and my daughter has a second autoimmune disease. Those are arguably scarier and health-threatening than being deaf.

At any rate, it’s important for potential spouses/parents to have open communication and discuss possibilities. I had a conversation with my now-husband about the possibility of our kids being deaf. As an engineer, he was focused on logistics. If our kids were deaf, we’d have to move to an area where there was an oral school or program. That was his only concern.

My friends received similar responses from their significant others, who see how independent and successful we are as speaking deaf adults and didn’t think it was a big deal. Of course, we know how much work we and our parents put into it, but at least we’d be experts.

I also have lots of questions about her dad leaving. Why did he leave after Abigail and her sister got cochlear implants, as opposed to when their deafness was diagnosed? I’m sure there’s more to this story.

I hope that Abigail’s deafness isn’t the focus going forward. I get that she had to introduce it in the first episode, and the conversation in this one was necessary. But now the editing shouldn’t single it out. She has a disability, but it’s not her whole identity. Don’t make her into the token deaf girl.

The Rest of the Episode

Now that Abigail has her rose and her big scene, we don’t care about the rest of the episode as much, do we? Kit’s 1:1 is cooking dinner at Matt’s house, which is meaningful to her. She tells him she’s built up so many walls over the years because her mom’s a fashion designer (Cynthia Rowley) and she grew up in the spotlight. Yet she sought the spotlight by being on this show. Whatever, little Miss Rich Girl. You’re only 21 and we don’t need to see tongue when you make out with Matt.

Meanwhile, there’s still one more person in the house who’s adding to the toxicity: MJ. There’s a showdown between her and Jessenia, but we don’t see all of it because the producers want us to come back next week.

https://twitter.com/BrettSVergara/status/1356428967138500610

By the way, if Abigail doesn’t “win,” she’s one of the fan favorites to be the Bachelorette. Now THAT would be amazing!