BIP E7 Pool Time

The episode opens with [soft, tense music] just before the third rose ceremony. With 9 guys and 14 girls, it’s the largest number of girls going home so far. Abigail summarizes this for the camera, and says a lot of people are really nervous.

Thankfully, the bizarre hypocrisy of last week when everyone called out Chris but not Brendan is somewhat rectified. A small group, led by Joe, confronts Brendan, who denies things and blows them off. But ultimately, he and Pieper leave, blaming the environment.

There’s an extended scene of Maurissa playing a whipped cream game with Riley. He picks a body part out of a bowl, and that’s where she licks whipped cream off of him. Including his toe. Despite that deliciousness, they end up in the Boom Boom Room.

Thomas tells Tammy he’s more interested in Becca. Tammy tries to convince him to stay with her. Tammy is a great feminist role model. Tammy has a meltdown and says it’s the worst birthday of her life. Last year she got COVID on her birthday, yet she says this is worse. Tammy is a great public health role model.

Everyone sings Happy Birthday to Tammy. Abigail is next to her, singing along. I wonder if she can sing in tune. I’m always self conscious about singing the HBD song ever since I found out it has a tune (duh, I know!).

Natasha is given a rose to make up for her shitty experience so far.

Abigail says she’s super grateful for where she and Noah are. When he offers the rose, he says, “You’ve been the surprising little butter to my toast and I’m excited to see where this goes.”

“That was cute,” Abigail tells him.

To the camera, Abigail says, “There was drama, tension in paradise. We were able to survive up until this point and just focus on our relationship.”

The four girls who leave are Tammy, Demi, Jessenia, and Deandra.

The new celebrity host is Lil Jon, who has grills. Not only do I find that unattractive, but I would imagine that makes it difficult to lipread!

The first new guy to show up is Blake from Clare’s season, who might be the cutest guy on the beach so far. He picks Tia for an off road vehicle date. The best line of the night goes to Tia, who says, “If it doesn’t make your vagina dance, it’s not worth it.” Needless to say, she confirms that her vagina dances when she’s with Blake.

Kenny and Mari think they’re leaving BIP together. They go to the Boom Boom Room to cement it. The gross thing is Maurissa has been leaving her stuff in there. Has the bed been cleaned in between visits? Gross!

The second new guy who shows up is Dr. Joe, who picks Natasha. They have a dinner date with the largest margarita goblets I’ve ever seen. Everyone wants Natasha to have a good date after being screwed over by Brendan. But the producers have a trick up their sleeves. They gave Natasha a rose, only to bring in Brendan’s best friend. Sure enough, once he finds out what happened, he loses interest and stands by his friend. Jerk.

Abigail and Noah are called out a couple of times during the episode for being one of the established couples. One time they’re shown kissing on a hammock or bed, but multiple (different) times, they make out in the pool. One time Abigail even has something sticking out of her mouth, and Noah leans in to grab it with his mouth. Another time, there’s a scene that almost looks sexual.

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Looks like they have their mojo back! And hopefully they no longer have pruned skin from all that time in the water!

Joe sets up an evening picnic for Serena, and they admit to each other that they’re falling in love. Joe’s ex Kendall is stupidly sitting where she can see them, and finally walks away.

The final scene has Aaron listing facts from his stay on BIP. One of them is, “When it comes to Noah, Noah doesn’t no-ah when to shut the fuck up. Fact.”

BIP E5 The Conversation

*This is a picture from a previous Rose Ceremony. It’s hard to find ones to use!

Abigail and Noah have The Relationship Conversation. But first, the Tammy love triangle plays out. Even though Tammy started it, Abigail consoles her and asks what she wants.

The other love triangle involves Deandra, Chasen, and Karl. Chasen one-ups Karl by giving Deandra a necklace. Demi calls it “ugly ass jewelry,” and she’s not wrong. Noah fills Abigail in on Chasen’s gift. Did he do so because she literally hadn’t heard people talking about it?

Tre leaves before the Rose Ceremony. Lance announces one last surprise that will change everything. He introduces the first Bachelorette to appear on BIP, Becca Kufrin. She was Bachelorette on Season 14, in 2016. The guys all light up, but the girls are less than enthused. In fact, this propels Tahzjuan to leave.

“All I know is the second Becca showed up, Abigail’s never grabbed me as much,” Noah says.

Wells has been doing BIP for 5 years, but this is the craziest he’s ever seen it. Three men are going home. There’s a shot of Abigail looking nervous, which seems out of place. Ivan says it’d be nice to be in Abigail & Noah’s position. Of course, Abigail offers her rose to Noah, who happily accepts.

There’s a long shot of the “resort,” which isn’t very flattering. It looks a built up shack that could fall down any second.

Tia from Colton’s season arrives and begins another love triangle when she picks Kenny for her date, angering Demi.

Abigail talks to the other women about her relationship. She feels like Noah wants to just chill in Paradise, “all happy and stuff,” but she needs a little more. They have such a good emotional connection. She’s never been able to be friends with a guy or laugh this much with a guy. They’ve kissed and stuff, but they aren’t able to keep their hands off each other like the other couples. She’s wondering if they’re moving slower — which she’s ok with — or if they’re friend zoning each other.

Maurissa tells the camera that Noah & Abigail have so much fun together, but it seems they’re not sharing their true emotions with each other. This will bite their ass in the end, she says. They’re having fun but have to communicate.

“I just feel bad because I feel like I self sabotage,” Abigail says.

While she feels it’s going great with Noah, she also thinks he’s playing it safe. It’s hard for her to see other couples be all over each other and wonder why she and Noah aren’t there yet. Are they not pushing the relationship to its full potential, or are they just friends who should be exploring other options? She knows she has to have a conversation with him despite her nervousness about doing so.

Someone else notices Noah on the chaise by himself, looking moody, and asks what’s up with him. Jessenia explains that he and Abigail have been so comfortable recently. She says Abigail’s ready to have more serious conversations and for things to be a little more legit, while Noah’s just comfortable where he is. Jessenia feels bad because she knows Abigail really likes Noah and vice versa, but he takes things slower than she does.

Someone — can’t remember if it’s Jessenia or someone else — can imagine the couple making it beyond Paradise and would be surprised if they split up. To see them separately would make this person doubt the process.

Going into the conversation with Noah, Abigail says she doesn’t want to be stale in their “situationship,” but isn’t ready to throw it away. She tells Noah she’s really attracted to him and likes him, but is curious about what he wants out of their situationship and how he’s feeling about it.

Noah reassures her that he likes her and they’re solid. He thinks everyone’s obsessed with their relationship.

“I feel like you and I make a lot of sense,” Abigail says. “To everyone else we make sense. But why are we holding back from being full fledged? I love that it’s easy between us, but at the same time, it’s a blessing and a curse.”

They discuss whether they’re meant to be just friends. Abigail thinks he stopped trying. He tells her that a minute ago was the first time he heard her say, “I like you.” If he does something, he doesn’t get much of a response. Abigail says she didn’t realize she was giving off that vibe.

She wonders if they’re just delaying the inevitable or if they should try again. Noah needs some time to think. He tells the camera he’s blindsided.

Abigail cries while talking to the other girls. She feels bad and wonders if they’re doing something wrong. “Are we getting in each other’s way ‘cuz we’re scared to open up?” she asks. “I feel like we could be throwing away something potentially really good. I’ve never had something so easy. We’ve both said that. I think he just shut down.”

Serena says Abigail is her best friend there and it kills her to see Abigail so upset. This conversation with Noah was coming sooner rather than later, and it’s hard since they started off so strong.

Abigail continues to berate herself, saying she literally just self sabotaged. “We had such a good thing going and I just fucked it up,” she says. “It’s not even like I want to go on dates with anyone else. There’s no one else I’m interested in. It’s Noah.”

As a friend points out, Abigail is comparing her relationship to the others on BIP, and worried that they’re not moving as quickly as the others. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing because they’re probably going at a real world place, not a BIP pace.

I say it’s important to talk about the relationship and get everything on the table; that’s a mature move.

Meanwhile, the BIP producers must be on drugs when they dream up the dates. Tia and Kenny’s date is nude volleyball (with three strangers). Who wants to see the jiggly bits? What if they fall in the sand? The people, not the jiggly bits. Unless they’re all fake. Which is very possible!

The episode ends with Joe thinking he and Serena are the strongest couple with nothing getting in their way. Cue Kendall, his ex. Why do people go on this show? Don’t they know the producers will fuck with them?!

Anyway, the scenes with Noah and Abigail leave me confused. Did they break up? I think they’re just on the rocks, with their future to be determined next week…

BIP E4 Dumpster Fire

This episode is a dumpster fire, literally and figuratively. Two “smoke bros” (Apparently these are guys who call hot girls “smoke shows” – and now we’ve learned something. So why do I feel debased instead of educated?) show up, and their double date involves a triple XL bed, an intimacy guru, and a clothed reenactment of positions in the Kama Sutra.

The next big scene — which is not so much awkward as it is an interesting editorial choice — features Abigail and Noah on the daybed. Abigail thinks she has a bug in her nose and discovers there IS a bug in her nose. We’re treated to a longer than expected scene about this, but I’d rather see a more humorous grossness than the ickiness that was the double date.

Come to think of it, this whole episode could be characterized as a gross fest. There are unnecessary close ups of couples making out with tongue (or even chewing food, in Chris’ case). I leave it to you to decide which is more palatable to watch: these makeout sessions or the Fear Factor buffet from Riley and Maurissa’s date.

Random thought: Kenny looks like Ryan Seacrest.

Noah and Abigail are in the background during Demi and Mari’s conversation. Someone — pretty sure it’s Abigail — gets up from the chaise and her butt is blurred. She is wearing a beige bikini, so maybe ABC was covering their bases (no pun intended).

Connor wears a crazy outfit that’s dubbed “kimono convict” by the boys. Joe and Serena have a date inside a wrestling ring. It ends with them wearing wrestling costumes. There are also love triangles, betrayals, Boom Boom Room action, and a cake thrown into the fire. Good lord, this show.

Sitting around the bonfire, Riley asks the others where’s the craziest place they’ve had sex. Abigail is second to answer. After thinking, she says, “On a golf course.” “Abigail!” someone exclaims. I’m impressed she even heard/saw the question since it’s dark, the flickering fire can make it hard to lipread due to its shadows, and there’s got to be background noise from the ocean.

It’s clear one reason why Noah and Abigail are a good fit is because they’re loyal, caring friends. When Ivan is reeling from his breakup with Jessenia, Noah consoles him. Likewise, Abigail is there for Mari.

Noah and Abigail get a few shout outs throughout the episode for being one of the solid couples. Though by the end, after several couples break up, are they the only ones left? Noah even says — as he’s hand in hand with Abigail on the chaise — that there’s been so much going on, it’s ridiculous.

When the women arrive at the Rose Ceremony, Deandra asks if anyone is confident in who they’re giving their rose to. Someone points to Abigail and says, “Abby!”

The episode will be continued tonight. In the preview, where “paradise is about to be turned upside down,” there’s a sad, solitary shot of Noah, and one of Abigail upset. Will the drama hit them next?

BIP S7 E3

This episode opens with everyone chilling, and ends with two people demonstrating the Netflix version.

Noah rattles off the couples to the camera, including him and Abigail. Cue to a shot of them in the pool.

Then there’s a boombox with a note that says, “Play me.” The music that plays is from NSYNC. While this is a creative way to introduce the new celebrity guest host, Lance Bass, my first thought went to Abigail. This isn’t exactly an inclusive way to share the news. She’s shown holding her hands over her hears, like the noise is too loud. But later, she’s shown dancing. Does she even recognize the music?

Abigail does understand when Lance asks who wants a mimosa. She shoots her hand up in the air and yells a “Whoa!”

The guys from Katie’s season talk about Thomas, the villain from their group, and how they don’t want him on the show. Do they not understand how it works? Of course he’s the next person to arrive, date card and all.

He goes to Abigail first and asks if she wants to give him a tour. They don’t show the tour, just the two of them sitting and chatting. Meanwhile, Noah says if Thomas is into her, he’s not going to take that well. I sure hope so!

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Thomas tells Abigail she had a first date with Noah and now they’re getting married. Abigail says it’s still early. Guess she’s still keeping her options open. Thomas asks about the couples, so she fills him in.

Thomas proves he’s still a villain by using the same lines on all the girls, and doing anything possible to emphasize his height and girth. After talking to most/all of the girls, he picks Serena P. for his date. Abigail thinks people are still figuring out who Thomas is a little bit. She also thinks Serena has an open mind about pursuing Joe (who she’s been coupled up with). There are shots of Abigail looking pensive/disturbed, which comes across oddly because of the editing. Maybe she was contemplating the best way to get a good edit on this show — it’s working so far!

When Abigail is talking to the other girls, she’s actually in prime position. They’re all in a row in front of her. I wonder if that was done on purpose. I know I’m always thinking about the best seating position when I’m in a group.

Another shot of Abigail and Noah in the pool, with their legs intertwined underwater.

The next contestant arrives: Riley. Abigail confirms when someone next to her says he’s a lawyer, without having seen the speaker. Tre describes him as being cut from granite. He picks Maurissa for his date. They get a Fear Factor kind of date, where they have to eat gross food if they don’t answer a question. The camera spends too much time showing us the gross food (tongue, chicken feet, etc.). Maurissa’s eyelashes look like spiders. They make out and end up in the Boom Boom Room.

Serena and Thomas have a good date, but Serena tells him to pursue other people. There’s a shot of Abigail and Noah on one of the outdoor beds; Abigail’s on her stomach leaning on him. Thomas apologizes to Katie’s guys for his behavior on the show, and agrees that his actions will have to back him up. But of course they don’t and karma bites him in the ass.

Connor sings his song about BIP to Jessenia and Abigail in the end credit scene. They’re not far from the waves, but Abigail seems to move to the music. His face looks down while he sings, but Abigail catches the line about her being a sweetheart and laughs.