BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!
One advantage to being deaf is that when I take my cochlear implant and hearing aid off, I can’t hear a damn thing. On the flip side, this means I can’t hear an alarm clock.
This is when having a hearing husband comes in handy! Literally. A gentle nudge by my partner is the best way to wake up. Hear THAT, Folgers?
But what if he’s out of town or I am? Then it’s time to bring out my special alarm clock that vibrates. This is the one I used to have; it clipped onto my pillow case and worked great. 
It lasted a long time before it broke and isn’t made anymore.
Luckily one of my deaf friends had asked the hive mind for a portable alarm clock recommendation. I ended up purchasing this one: 
It has no clip, the settings in minuscule print, and even the vibration is annoying. Instead of vibrating at five second intervals, it goes off every second.
Every. Second.
BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!
Let me tell you, this is NOT a pleasant way to wake up. In fact, when I need to use it, for some reason I can’t sleep at all. Even if I’m super duper tired. Like my body is rebelling: “That damn clock! We’ll wake you up naturally by not letting you sleep at all!”
Is this the deaf version of The Princess and the Pea?